sandieganpagan

 


Top Left: "Eternal Love"   I made this from a very cool round box that contained a coffee mug to honor the Andersons and their 50 years of marriage.  I find their love story inspirational!

Top Right: "La Familia"  I made this mini altar piece from a variety of  boxes and lots of glitter!

Bottom Left:  "Sad Skeleton at the Cemetary" I made this piece in honor of the grief felt by the living when we lose a loved one.


Bottom Right: "Till Death Do We Part"  I made this piece  in honor of my husband and  I renewing our wedding vows this weekend.




My Dia De Los Muertos Altar



My Ancestor Altar decorated for Dia De Los Muertos

My dream a few nights ago was a sleep paralysis one in which a woman was pounding on the door yelling, "wake up, wake up - they are stealing your car, wake up, wake up, get up now!" I couldn't move my body or open my eyes. I willed myself to move and finally shook off sleep. I went to physically check on our car because my husband never locks the cars at night. It was fine- still there.  I went ahead and Iocked it but was wide awake and buzzing. I realized it was a liminal dream and the "neighbor" was an Ally I work with, whom I had prayed to before going to sleep to give me a dream to help me get through all this sadness and anger.

  The Hanged One


 Religion vs. Spirituality 

The Source of All Things 


Misericorde and I went to our friend M's for a Soulcollage  Lughnasad party. Good food, lots of fun and we made cool cards.

I've been fighting the blues. It comes over me like a chemical wash, dulling my brain.. But I'm not one to wallow, so here's me bootstrappin' ...

Things I have to look forward to this month....

1.   I get to eat watermelon tomorrow and  take the rinds out to my horses. They love watermelon as much as I do and drool when they see the bag of rinds. That makes me smile, drooling happy horse faces.

2.   My daughter's first day of preschool  is next week. She is SO excited to be a "big girl, who goes to school to learn to play"  (her words.)  I love watching her grow into a little person of her own.  She's the bomb!

3.  I'm going to the San Diego Feri Retreat in Julian August 16-17. I am really looking forward to seeing friends I haven't seen all summer. My husband is going too. I'm looking forward to our conversations afterwards too. 

 

Dark Night of the Soul

     By Saint John of the Cross

 

One dark night,
fired with love's urgent longings
- ah, the sheer grace! -
I went out unseen,
my house being now all stilled.

In darkness, and secure,
by the secret ladder, disguised,
- ah, the sheer grace! -
in darkness and concealment,
my house being now all stilled.

On that glad night,
in secret, for no one saw me,
nor did I look at anything,
with no other light or guide
than the one that burned in my heart.

This guided me
more surely than the light of noon
to where he was awaiting me
- him I knew so well -
there in a place where no one appeared.

O guiding night!
O night more lovely than the dawn!
O night that has united
the Lover with his beloved,
transforming the beloved in her Lover.

Upon my flowering breast
which I kept wholly for him alone,
there he lay sleeping,
and I caressing him
there in a breeze from the fanning cedars.

When the breeze blew from the turret,
as I parted his hair,
it wounded my neck
with its gentle hand,
suspending all my senses.

I abandoned and forgot myself,
laying my face on my Beloved;
all things ceased; I went out from myself,
leaving my cares
forgotten among the lilies.


I was inspired to post this from a comment I read on Yezida's page. Right now I feel on and off blue, like I'm on either side of the Dark Night but can't tell if the sun is coming or going because the twilight just lingers on and on. Maybe this is a new way of being for me? I don't/ won't know.

We are back from our whirl wind vacation all ove rthe place. We went to Yosemite for five days and then home for two days only turn around and go to Chicago to visit family for another week. Last night sleeping in our bed was heaven, but the hubby still can't sleep bad, bad anxiety and insomnia. Poor guy. I think I might be slowly driving him insane. Here's the email I sent  him yesterday. He didn't sleep at all last night.

Hi Baby,

Here’s the story on the dogs in our back yard. I found them on in the central island in heavy traffic. They came when I called them. I first planned to just get them off the main street, but when I called at them to “sit, stay” they did. I called them to come and follow me and they did. They were wagging their tails and sweet. I didn’t know what to do and we were causing a traffic jam so since my instinct said okay, I let them in the car with the kidlet. They kissed her and sat down for the ride.

I know that’s stupid! I know, I know, I know. But I also somehow could  tell they were good dogs. I took them home and after some coaxing got the larger of the two out of the car (ohhhh my new car smells like dog now which is bummer !!!!) I just looked her in the eyes and promised to make sure she was taken care of and she jumped out and followed us in the back yard.  Amazing! We named them. The little Chihuahua girl is CC for Centre City and the big girl Pitbull is Parkway.

 

B came over and helped me give them both flea baths. They never growled once! They aren’t too skinny and they weren’t too hungry so I think they belong to someone over by 9^th I found them.  My plan is to run a free ad in the newspaper and post some Found Dog Fliers around the area. I will also call humane society to report them as found and get them screened for microchips.

 

If in two weeks no one claims them and they are working out okay and not being bad, I’d like to keep them. I know  you are probably freaking out that we have a pit bull in the back yard BUT she’s super sweet and not the least bit aggressive so far.  If either one or both aren’t working out, or are doing bad things such as digging, chewing up stuff or being aggressive them I will take that dog to a no kill shelter or some rescue organization. The thing is with the mortgage crisis a lot of people who have lost their home are abandoning dogs and cats to the streets and the shelters, especially the no kill shelters are full.  We can cross that bridge when/ if we get there.

 

Anyway, life is an adventure and  this is a random act of kindness. The kidlet  is thrilled and this is teaching her to be kind and caring to people and animals in need. A powerful life lesson! I explained that we are trying to help the dogs find their mommy and daddy, that they are lost. She of course thinks we have two new dogs, which might be the case. We’ll see.

 

I love you!

 

 

 

Just got back in town after a two week trip! 

Happy birthday! Hope its the best year yet! 

-J  

My family has a plan to go green by 2010. We just signed a contract to lease solar panels with Solar City. Our panels should be installed  by the end of  July or early August. I am thrilled, thrilled THRILLED!  

We traded in my soccer mom bullshit Pathfinder SUV this past weekend too. POS was getting crap gas mileage plus I hate the SUV driving, cell phone talking, yuppy ,corporate wife image.  That's not me! 

So in my on going efforts to simplify my life and get "back to my roots"  on all levels, I got a super low emissions, 40 miles per gallon kick butt cutie pie HONDA CIVIC !!!!!  I loves me this car! It is little tiny weenie, easy to park, sips gas and is so, so, so much better for the environment. Plus it was made in the Honda factory in Japan that I visited when I was a summer exchange student there in the late 80's.  

My daughter called our SUV "big jet"  which is the bad ghuy in the Little Einsteins cartoon. She loves the Honda b/c its silver like a rocket.  "Go, Go New Silver Rocket!" - my daughter's new driving mantra. 

Happy, happy, joy, joy !!!!!
 

So... to be honest this is my second attempt at keeping a live journal blog. I am a sucky blogger. My goal is once a week. If I can do that, Yay for me, kudos and self kisses. Ironically I have kept a paper and pen journal more of less consistently since I was in elementary school. 

Well here was my week in a nut shell

Daily Practice: Bare bones baby! Holy Mother, Kala, Pentacles and Flower Prayer. I'm between trips right now after just being home from Feri camp a week. We leave Thursday for Yosemite are back a few days then leave for a week visiting family in Chicagoland. I have a hard time with my practice when I am travelling this much.

Nanos: (My daughter calls our horses "The Nanos." Its a word she made up when she was around a year old. Too cute!) My "nanos" are getting fat and sassy from lack of consistent training. I found a clinci and horse show in October to use as my motivation goal. Its a combined training show which means I'll ride a dressage test and cross country jumping test.  We have time to get back in shape provided I schedule my day to work around the mid day heat of So Cal. 

Running &  Spin:  I'm still on Vacay mode. I only ran once and went to spin once this past week.  I was tired - lame excuse. Next week I better get to it b/c we are sitting in a car for 7 hours to head up to Yosemite. If I run before the car ride I'll feel better when we get there. 

Rant of the Week: (Profanity and general pissiness warning!!!!)  FUCKING trainer at 24 hr fitness came up to me while I was on the scale this week and told me, "I can get you to the number you want." Who the hell said I was after some stupid number? Can't I be health driven? Why did Mr. Ass Hat Himself decide to he should ASSUME I want to lose weight??? Because I am a  thirty something woman and by definition (according to their jack ass TV comercials) I am not good enough just being me. I have pursue some empty quest after some stupid Hollywood inspired NUMBER!  If were a man you better believe he would have said it more tactfully.  Jerk.

Besides about 10 vanity pounds I am okay with "my number."  I worked hard to get over my body issues H-A-R-D! Lots of work with my circle sisters, lots of tears and I am not even over weight! I can't imagine what damage Mr. Ass Hat would have done to one of my more curvy sisters spouting that SHIT!  I go to Spin 3 times a week, ride horses 3 times a week plus run twice a week on average. If that isn't  "enough" ... screw it!  I'm eating cheesecake with this wine!  Okay... rant over.

"My soul is alight with your infinitude of stars. Your world has broken upon me like a flood. The flowers of your garden blossom in my body. The joy of life that is everywhere burns like an incense in my heart. And the breath of all things plays on my life as on a pipe of reeds. "

by Rabindranath Tagore 

http://poetrymagazine.org/magazine/0613/poem_1890.html


My husband sends me a poem everyday. This is today's poem. Of all the poems he's sent me so far, this one is my favorite. It leads me to reflect upon seeking the Star Goddess through Feri and how Her starry waters have broken apart the weak points of my life "like a flood"  complete with the post Katrina chaos and clean up efforts. Kala is strong mojo baby! It has shattered my self imposed spiritual glass ceiling, given pink elephants form and carved a river through mountains of  carefully crafted rationalizations. Guess what... Kala can even remove pink elephant shit stains from your living room carpet!  The second part of the poem reminds me of the HA prayer. The joyous reunion of the triple soul and how being aligned helps me feel light and airey yet paradoxically grounded and secure.  Its a good poem, a BOS keeper for me!

Love & Blessings!